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Golf Quotes

Golf Practice

An eight-year-old boy and his six year-old brother were playing golf with their friends and practicing both their game and their swearing. The older boy suggested after the game that it was time they introduce their parents to their new talent. He told his little brother, ‘When we go back to the clubhouse I’ll say […]

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Golf in Scotland

A young American golf fanatic, six months new to the game, decided to make the trip of a lifetime to Scotland, the holy land of golf. Upon his arrival he quickly headed out to the course and arranged a tee time for a short time later. As per his PGA teaching professional’s instructions, he requested […]

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tn_laugh6

Some Golf Quickies

A blonde is out playing golf one sunny day, when she suddenly screams and runs back to the club house. She approaches the resident pro and tells him, ‘I’ve just been stung by a bee!’ ‘Where were you stung?’ asks the pro. ‘Between the first and second holes,’ she replies. ‘I’m not surprised,’ answers the […]

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golf and beer

Golfing and Drinking is Dangerous

An old golfer staggered home late after a day on the course and another evening with his drinking buddies. Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway. As he caught […]

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backspin

The Golf Pro’s Prayer

The Pro is my Shepherd, I shall not Slice. He maketh me to Drive Straight Down Green Fairways; He leadeth me Safely across Still Water-Hazards; He restoreth my Approach Shots. He guideth me in the Paths of Accuracy for my Game’s Sake. Yea, though I chip through the Roughs in the shadows of Sand Traps, […]

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wrong hole

Hole by Hole

An Australian professional traveled to Japan to play in an important gplf tournament. He took his younger brother as a caddy. The first evening in Tokyo, the golfer had an early bedtime but the brother opted to go out on the town. It was his first trip internationally, so he wanted to see what the […]

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tombstone-clipart

Front Row at The Masters

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Masters from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the course, he realizes that he hasn’t got a seat, and that he will have to stand all day. About halfway through the day, Bob notices an empty seat in the gallery that surrounds the eighteenth […]

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golf-habit

That Won’t Help Your Handicap

A notorious golfer who always lied about his score had such a bad round he went home and when his wife said, ‘How’d your round go today, dear?’ lost his head and beat the poor Woman to death. A little later, overcome with guilt, he rang the police and said, ‘I’ve just killed my wife.’ […]

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golf-bomb

Famous Last Words

Father O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does, when Mary Clancy came up to him in tears. She was a golf Widow whose husband spent every spare minute on the golf course. ‘What’s bothering you so, dear?’ inquired Father O’Grady. ‘Oh, father, I’ve got terrible […]

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